The Obligation Trap

Have you ever felt obligated to do something, or be somewhere? Have you ever felt anxiety and disdain because you felt like you HAD to do something for someone because of something that past version of you said or did that present you is no longer interested in doing? How did it feel? Did it suck? Were you upset? Frustrated? I bet it did and I bet you were. Why? Because any done under obligation is a trap.

Now before I continue lets define the word obligation really quick.

What is an obligation?

According to dictionary.com, the Merriam-Webster dictionary, and the Cambridge online dictionary we can define the word obligation as follows,

• Obligation: as something by which a person is bound or obliged to do certain things, and which arises out of a sense of duty or results from custom, law, etc. It is the state of being forced to do something because it is your duty, or because of a law, etc. It’s something which you must do because you have promised, because of a law, etc. An act or course of action to which a person is morally or legally bound; a duty or commitment.

So in a nutshell, ‘obligation’ is when you are bound, forced, or have committed yourself to do something because it’s your duty/ legal duty, or because of a promise you made in the past.

Ok, here’s some great news - when it comes to your dreams, goals, and ambitions - you are under no obligation to anyone or anything.

Let me explain.

What this does NOT mean…

Now before I continue let me explain what I do not mean. In no way, shape, or form do I mean that you are absolved from any real life responsibilities, duties, or commitments that you might have. You should do them. This also doesn’t mean that you should ignore wise council, sound advice, or not take things into consideration. This is not wise. Get them done.

Cool.

What this DOES mean…

However, what this does mean, is that when it comes to your dreams, goals, passions, ambitions, future, etc., within that context - you are obligated to no one. You are free to make the necessary changes, take the necessary risks, become the ideal person, and live the ideal life that you’ve always wanted to live. You are not obligated (bound, forced, committed to, trapped - see what I did there?) to the emotions, reactions, or opinions of people around you or what they think is possible/ not possible for you. You don’t have to listen to what people say you should or shouldn’t do with your life based on their own (usually miserable and limited) life experience. You don’t have to listen to or better yet believe that the goals you’ve set are unrealistic or unachievable (again, based on their limited ability, mindset, or perspective) for you.

Why? Because you are obligated to no one. Nobody.

This is good news! Or at least it should be. It should serve more as a freeing revelation/ realization, and confidence booster for you. Why? Often times we allow the thoughts, and opinions of others to determine what our ideals, goals, actions, and future will be for ourselves! This is why so many people end up resenting certain aspects of their lives. Whether it be what they do, who they are, or even who they’re with. They have (unfortunately) allowed someone or something else choose for them because they felt obligated to the person, situation, or circumstance for one reason or another. Again, this is unfortunate. Obligation leads to anger, anger leads to hate, and hate leads to the dark side of the force 😛 (for all my Star Wars nerds out there).

The idea here is that if you want to make a change in your life, you need to be able to operate in spite of the pressure, thoughts, chatter, trauma, pain, etc., you may feel or experience from your past or the people, situations, and circumstances around you. EVEN IF they happen to be close to you or you happen hold them in high regard amongst other things.

You are not even under obligation to the person you were 5 minutes ago.

How To Avoid The Trap of Obligation

So how do you do that… practically speaking. How do you avoid the trap of obligation? Well, you take ownership. You take accountability. For what? For what YOU want. Not just that, what you TRULY want. No matter what others may say, think, or feel, because although you are not obligated you ARE 100% accountable for what occurs in your life. Yes, by doing what YOU want to do you may upset others in the moment, but usually never yourself in the end.

Now at first glance this may sound and look a bit selfish because in a way... it is! However this not about you being stuck-up and self absorbed making everything about you. No. However, it IS about you focusing on what you need to do in order to achieve what you want to achieve no matter what.

That being said here is a 3 step plan to help you avoid, “The Obligation Trap”,

First — Determine what is is that you want to do. What do you want to do or accomplish? Is what you are doing a result of you or other people? This doesn’t mean that you ignore sound advice, but rather you get clear on what you want to experience for yourself and then taking the necessary actions to experience that or get there. Once you know that you can move on to the next step.

Second - Determine who the person is, or who are the group of people are, that are about to give you information or offer their input into your life and your goals. This includes voices/ experiences/ moments from your past as well. Do you want to be like that person/ or group of people? Do you want that moment or experience to rule your future experiences or block you from doing that thing? If not then you have your answer. If the answer is not an immediate “no”, then move on to step 3.

Third - Ask yourself, “Is this person’s opinion/ are the opinions of these people or experience, more important to me than accomplishing my goal?” - This can be a hard question to answer because the person or group may be highly influential, or they may be very close you (like a parent, mentor, or friend), or they may be extremely successful and intelligent. Whatever the case my be, at the end of the day none of that matters. Your mission is to accomplish your goal. Do you value their opinion more than accomplishing your goal? This is the question you ultimately have to answer.

Bonus - Be okay with saying “No”. We often forget that no is a complete sentence and doesn’t even need an explanation/ reason. Be okay with saying no to people, things, thoughts, ideas, suggestions, pressure - anything that deters you from living and experiencing the life that you want to experience or becoming the person that you want to be.

Final Thoughts

If you allow other people, situations, or circumstances to dictate whether or not you do something or go after something that you TRULY want to do you will end up miserable, and I (selfishly) don’t want you to experience that.

Remember you are under no obligation to anyone when it comes to what you truly want to experience for yourself, but you are 100% accountable to make it happen if you truly want it.

Anyways. Just a thought.

Hope it helps.